I wonder why your psyche is so resistant to meditation? I have found meditation VERY helpful. It has helped me create a' space' within my own psyche and life that I can all my own; that is calm, centred and focused; and it has enabled me to access the parts of my mind that are innately intelligent. I believe learning to meditate has really helped me with everything in my life-- a good and short guided meditation can be found here- start small and build up.

www.mipham.com/audiotalks.html. Good luck!!

Your post sounds very, very frustrated and anxious about meditating and perhaps that's just the problem. You know what they say about trying too hard....maybe that's the case with your practice. When I ifrst started meditating I found it very challenging and finally learned to just BE. It's a contridiction to say be focused and relax; I know, but that;s really the only way to go about it. Relax. When you feel frustration coming on because you're not going any deeper, relax, take a deeper breath and visualize the frustration leaving you as water dripping off your body - whatever you come up with. In the end, don't push yourself so hard. There's no competition and no race to the finish. Plus, as you probably learned from your reading, there's really all kinds of ways to meditate. I even meditate when I run on the treadmill.

Don't give up; it's totally worth it. My meditation practice gives me moments of stillness that leave me completely relaxed and energized. The quiet, sacred space within where I can truly feel peace that comes from meditation is something I wouldn't do well without.

In your post you say:

"I am pretty good now at focusing on the breathing and pushing the thoughts away. But that’s it and it is hard but there is nothing else."

If you are doing that, then you are already meditating. That's what meditation is. Don't stress it, that's all there is. I think your teacher is pushing you too hard. It's not like a chorus of angels comes out and we float away. When you meditate sometimes you have clarity, sometimes you struggle. I think it's better to just be gentle with yourself. You just sit and let go and rest and be peaceful and quiet as best you can, that's meditation.

All very good advice you're getting here, to my mind.

The essence of meditation is simply to sit with yourself and see what happens.

No need to make anything happen.

No need to stop anything from happening.

Just look, listen, be.

Soon you will find yourself in the space between thoughts.

Welcome home.

Hi Jennell
I'm sorry you are having this kind of experience with meditation but just know that what you are going through is not uncommon. There are several things I can share regarding my own experience and struggles with meditation over the years.....
Since it has become a struggle for you at this point I would back up a few steps and give it some space and allow your feelings to relax a bit before you engage the practice again. Its all too easy to get into a struggle with TRYING to meditate and I can tell you that will not work because its opposed to the process of meditation. So I would give it some space and time, not too much just enough to let things relax a bit.
When you get back into meditation I think its important to look at expectations because they can get us into trouble with this kind of practice if we expect too much too soon. Initially if you sit for very brief periods, say 5 or 10 minutes that is good and then during that time try to release expectations and just be present with the breath and whatever thoughts or emotions are there, whatever and whoever you are in that present moment without needing to change it. Over time if you continue to focus on your breath you concentration will slowly improve and your mind will calm down but this can take a while and thats ok. Its really important not to struggle with your thoughts and feelings, don't try to push them away because that only makes them stronger, just acknowledge them and return to the breath. Let them be there just don't invest any energy into them. If you are working with the breath and your mind is full of thoughts and emotions and feeling crazy, thats ok, thats where it is in that moment, just accept that and keep doing the practice.
So anyway, I think releasing expectations and just being present with where we are at is the key.... Meditation is not going to solve all your problems, that seems very exagerated to me but it can help you in many ways. It helps focus the mind, maintain calmness in the midst of turmoil, supports good health and can be a powerful tool in spiritual practice. It does not automatically solve ones problems, it can even make them seem worse because it can bring things to the surface that we may not want to look at or deal with. So its a tool and one that is well worth developing if you ask me...

Resistance is a natural reaction from our ego, its a convoluted form of protection.

My teacher reminds us that there are 3 minds, positive, negative and neutral.

Its a safe bet you are the negative minded type. That is negative in the discriminatory way. The negative mind is always prodding, analysing, critiquing, criticizing. Just what you are doing now, beating yourself up over not being able to meditate. Actually you are meditating like other posters have said.

I believe the negative mind grasps the 'old' ways longest and hardest and may be more difficult to 'be' the meditation rather than constantly looking for it.

It sounds as if you are simply tripping over your negative mind. Be ok with the results you get every time, no matter what. Eventually you will wear the 'beast' down and realize that you are in meditation. This will happen trust me, you simply need to stay with it, daily.

If you are interested Jennell, i can mail you a meditation to help the Negative mind. I believe its a mantra and mudra meditation.

lots of light

Deva

**My instructor seems to think that will solve all my problems once I get “there.” What does it do for others? How long did it take you to get “there?” What am I missing and is it really worth it?**

For *me* it wasn't sitting, cleansing my mind or any of the "usual" I picked a diversion that consumed me & let THAT take me away. when I truly need or just want to ground center & get back to who/what I am I spin. I'm not very good and I don't have anyone to teach me but the beauty of the motion takes me to the calm steady center that all the breathing exercizes couldn't find a path to. it makes the bank overdraft the work problems & the home disasters melt into a tolerable, therefore manageable muddle.

Maybe all you need is a less conventional technique.

Try an active meditation first. Walking, running or dancing can be a great distraction for your body/mind. Go for a run at the beach for instance. As you run, focus on your breath. Be completly present in your body. As you run you breath will become more pronounced. Just get into that.

It's all about being in your body at this moment. Be the watcher of your being as you are here. So let go of "trying" because you are still trying to control the situation. Just be and observe.

Once you can get the hang of that - just being instead of thinking about being - you are well on your way. Sitting meditaiton is hard and until you can begin to master your action instead of succumbing to your reaction, you might want to try some other methods.

Also 30 minutes is a long time for beinging meditation. When you get to the point of a sitting meditation, try 5 mintues, then 10, then 20 and so on. Train your mind to empty - take three deep breaths at the begining. Then think of a cork being taken out of a jug - like your nose is the cork and your breath is the contents. As you breathe out, let that be your cue to release your mind. With each breath see the level going down, and down, and down.

I had a difficult time meditating at first since my life was in such turmoil. I would sit and weep during my meditations. That's ok, I just let it be and watched it happening. Darn if I didn't feel better and better every time I meditiated.

Good luck.

I suggest a book called "Hard Core Zen" its a no-nonsense book on sitting in Zazen meditation. Its basic advice is this:

Meditation is boring. Probably one of the most boring activities there are. Do it anyway.
Trying to quiet the mind can be really frustrating. Do it anyway.
Sitting still can become painful. Do it anyway.

Don't try too hard and don't beat yourself up. Just sit. Sit upright in fromt of a blank wall and stare at it. Start for 10 minutes a day. Try to build up to a 30 minute session, then to 2 different 30 minute sessions a day. Just sit. Just stare. Don't fight your mind and your body. Just let them do whatever they do. Just keep sitting and trying not to fidget too much. If your mind spins too far on a particular thought, make sure you are sitting up straight, take a deep breath and continue sitting. If you absolutely have to move, adjust your body then resume sitting. Just try not to do it too much.

There is nothing to do. Nothing to accomplish. Nothing that is supposed to happen. Just sit.

Hi,
I think you should cut yourself a break because I think you accumulate the pressure when you are fully aware of the fact that you have some difficulty meditating. Personally, I think you should ask yourself what kind of setting and place you feel most relaxing and then create that environment for you. Just enjoy the environment and relax until you are fully relaxed, then close your eyes, slow down your breathes and count your inhaling and exhaling. Then, try some meditation techniques you have learned. It does not have to be perfect but just let yourself to get used to this kind of setting. Eventually, it will come to you as easy as breathing

Best luck to you!

hi,
meditation is playfull ness.if you take meditation seriously you might go crazy. dont fight with the mind and thoughts.dont fight with thoughts let them come and go you just become a watcher. slowly slowly thoughts will disappear. the more you fight with the mind it will become more stronger and you will feel more stressed. just try to become a watcher.try to wach everything either thoughts, emotions ,feelings ,pain,or movement in the body. try any active meditation which involve , activity and catharsis . it will help you in watching. once you throw all the repressions you will get rid of all the stress and tension.
try a simple technique like dancing.dancing can be a good meditation. dance with closed eyes for one hour ,allow the body to move without any control. and after dancing liedown for 15 minutes in shavasana .all your stress will go. ther is nowhere to go ,sitting silently and grass gross by itself.journey is from nothingness to nothingness.just be playfull with meditation. meditation can transform you totally. its worth meditating.

hi, Jennell --

I've been meditating for years, trying different techniques and styles -- and my conclusion, after living a yogic life in India, is that meditation is a lot easier than anyone realizes, and more natural. I teach meditation, now -- and even people who are convinced they're not good meditators become solid in a short time. mostly it has to do with recognizing the proper role of thoughts in meditation: they're no big deal.

this more in-depth explanation is from my blog at www.alxindia.blogspot.com:

MEDITATION: CALMING THE MONKEY MIND

people often mention to me that they have trouble meditating.

they complain that their mind is going crazy, super-active, with a ton of thoughts about meaningless stuff like errands to run later in the day, or a shopping list, or even more meaningful constructs like work-related problems or creative projects.

what to do in meditation when the thoughts are running wild and rampant?
does it mean you're an unsuccessful meditator, if you have thoughts?
how come all meditations aren't deep, and effortless, all the time?

hey, thoughts in meditation are NO BIG DEAL -- it's actually a good symptom, it means that purification of your system (which is the point of meditation, or the actual behind-the-scenes mechanism imbedded in meditation) is working. what happens is that when you start to meditate, your body starts to relax, like sleep -- and, like in sleep, it starts to throw off stresses. they might be stresses from that day, or week, or year, or way way way before.

doesn't matter where the stresses originated -- but the expression, physiologically, of those stresses being purified as they are spun out of your nervous system is, you guessed it, thoughts.

gak! what to do with those pesky thoughts?

just let the thoughts run, so what, who cares.

just keep on your meditation technique and don't think you're meditating badly. you're not.

pretty soon you'll find you're meditating and the thoughts are there, somewhere, running, and you don't even really pay attention to them, even though you're aware of their chatter.

after a mental-chitty-chat kind of meditation, I'm hardly ever aware of WHAT I was thinking -- just, I know I was having lists and stuff flash through. or daydreamy streams of conversation with people.

doesn't matter. & having thoughts is definitely NOT an impediment to meditating -- doesn't mean your meditation isn't successful or deep.

quite the contrary, actually.


GOOD DAYS & BAD DAYS
it's a little-known aspect of meditation, as a spiritual adventure, that you have good days and bad days... just as in everything else. sometimes you'll find a deep, deep, profound meditation, maybe for one day, or two, or even more, like you're on a roll -- and then the whole next week or so will be nothing but thought-laden, uncomfortable, fidgety, restless, 'what the hell am I DOING this for?' kinds of meditations.

(this means, you went really deep and that depth set some really deep purifying in motion -- so the next few episodes will be about experiencing the symptoms of purification as whatever stresses and strains were imbedded in your neuro-physiology are being spun off, and released from your system.)

but after that round of uncomfortable meditations -- the next time you go deep, you'll find it's even deeper than your earlier 'deep' experiences. you cleared some major gunk out, now you're free to experience more, inside.

(of course, most people don't know about the ups and downs, and even plateaus, in meditation, so they just give up in frustration when they hit the awkward moments, convinced they're no good at meditating, or thinking it's not worth it. when in fact, that discomfort is the very symptom that the meditation is working!!! how counter-intuitive is THAT?!)

hope it helps --

Alx

ps -- one other thing -- is there any chance you're sleeping with the top of your head pointing north? northeast, northwest, anything with north in it? that can really destabilize the mind and make meditation more difficult than it needs to be.

my dear jennell, when you think you are able to focus and observe your breath..it is a very very positive sign..there are people who slog to focus..you need to ask yourself what is it that you are looking for from meditation.though you dont know why it is so important for you to meditate, you as a soul have arrived at a very important turning point and your innner being is wanting to 'still' itself..only you as a physical being may not be aware of it..you need to tune in..you could do some pranayam before you settle down to meditate..it will help you a lot..with the pranayam i do, within minutes i get into a deep meditative state..God bless you and give you peace...

Hi Jennel,

I'd recommend you to check this book.
You're not alone with your problem. Apparently, there are many of us out there, having such a hyped lifestyle,
that we forgot how to slow down.

www.zigzagzen.com/

My wife had some difficulties with the concept of meditation.
Once we decided to enhance our practice with some stopharia (psilocybin) cubensis mushrooms.
She had a great experience and her mindset completely changed. Since then, she can reach deep levels of meditations- without any "enhancement".
The above book describes the same experience. In a controlled environment with experienced spiritual leader you can open up the center of your consciousness.

Good luck!

Have you try figuring out what is troubling you in your life, are you happy with the way things are going for you? I feel your body/mind/spirit are telling you something, try doing something you enjoy, as this is what meditation is also about, you must feel good with yourself and with what you`re doing, there is no need trying to push something that dont work, you`ll just end up fustrated, as you already found out.
In time you will find something that work for you, because remember, everyone is different, something that work for some may not work for others.
Blessings.

i would recommend using some crystals to clear the clutter of your mind... kyanite and smokey quartz would both work well...i would take the crystals into the bath with you and hold one in each hand and breathe as slow and deep as you can and focus all your thoughts and energy onto your breath....i would suggest to give it a break for now and try again when you intuitively are feeling it...hope i can help in any way...dont be hard on yourself...not thinking is a very hard thing to do...

Meditation should not be hard, in my understanding. Nothing that helps you feel better, grounds you, or soothes your soul should be of any effort. Im my understanding, the most important thing is TO BE. So, if you are having problems with letting thoughts go, focusing on a mantra, etc., you are trying to hard. (not that I haven't - believe me!). I think when we have an attachment to an outcome, we create resistance, and that f*cks us up - I humbly recommend not having an outcome - why not just sit and sit? There is no "right way" - yes, there are techniques that can facilitate things, but when we are reaching for something, we are not being, so if you are just being, and focusing on that, then aren't you in a form of meditation? All i recommend is sitting quietly and letting the process happen. You have all you need already (which I know you know). I just want to validate that you are doing ok.
xopeace&radiance
Kissing Bandit

Meditation:
Sit down --- do nothing --- listen --- listen --- listen --- waves --- heartbeats ---
everything you hear is doxology --- an expression of the joy of existence --- become more listening ---
listen and swing in the frequence of existence --- listen.

It is documented that chimpanzees have made happy rain-dances after long dry periods when the first rain came and it wasn´t a one off.
Who could say that flys who fly together on a sunny day are not knowing what they do. n´t it possible that they dance as an expression of there joy ,doing a pean.
Isn´t it possible that every atom is doing a dance of joy.
Even physicist use the expression DANCE when they describe the behaving of molecules and atoms. and so the whole universe is a dance.

Listen --- listen and merge with it and dance
and merge to one with it.

Sat Nam Jennell!

At what time do you meditate? In my early days i wasn't able to do it anytime but just woken up.

Try in the early morning, wake up, have a shower or a tea and sit down for meditation.

Focus your mind on your breath. When you arrive to ten inhales/exhales without mind wandering, then meditate.

You can also try with a mantra. OM is perfect.


Blessings on your path.

I too have found meditation to be a frustrating experience. Actually, today I'm going to meet a new teacher who I hope will help it become less frustrating for me.

> My instructor seems to think that will solve all my problems once I get “there.”

This raises red flags for me. Meditation doesn't solve problems. Practicing meditation can make it easier for you to find the solutions for yourself, but it doesn't itself DO anything.

The only thing that can solve all your problems is YOU, not a technique, not a teacher, not a state of mind. When it comes to your own life, you are the most powerful person in the world, and any changes in your life will start and end with you.

If your instructor is saying something different, you might want to consider whether or not this instructor is right for you.

check for planets in ur 12 house (natal map, astrology) which are known to create anxiety around "letting go"and the subconcious.

whats wrong with meditative movemnet? must u do sitting meditation?